I'm back in Chicago. Class starts Thursday. The drive here was really odd, especially since I went to bed last night around 3 and woke up at 6:30, which meant that I spent almost the entire ride up here asleep. The drive from home to Panora is 45 minutes. That's what this drive felt like.
Not everyone is back yet and I still have yet to get into a regular sort of routine, so I'm feeling really weird. It's a combination of something sort of like homesickness and anxiety about anxiety.
The homesickness is pretty self explanatory. Despite my really long winter break fluctuating between periods of "this is awesome!" and "I'm so bored," the "this is awesome!" periods were awesome enough to override the boring ones. Combine really wonderful friends I've known for years with not really doing any work with nostalgia and you have yourself a recipe for wistfulness.
I realize that staying home wouldn't make me feel good, though. I tried that last year when I attempted to transfer to Drake. Though that taught me a lot of important (albeit painful) life lessons, it's safe to say that it crashed in burned in a big sort of way.
The anxiety about anxiety, though, might be a little harder to understand. Let me explain: with my psychiatrist's go-ahead, I decided to stop using the antidepressant I was on over the past year. Though that worked pretty well at home, I'm wondering if that's having any influence on the way I'm feeling here. That could be true; however, I also realize that it could just be one of those transitional phases that little old why-can't-things-stay-the-same me goes through every now and then.
If I continue to feel like this for a while - I think five days is a good deadline - I'll probably call the psychiatrist up again and discuss starting the medication once again. I'm not at all ashamed of doing that. Like Sarah Silverman said in an interview once, it would be silly for a diabetic to stop taking their medication if it was helping them out.
In the meantime I am going to be productive and do things.