In the immortal words of the guy in this video, "This is rock and roll."

Whenever people wave an angry fist at me, they're probably trying to tell me, "Hey, I'm angry at you, but I'm too lazy to lift my middle finger."

Description of A Mime Show 2004

Opening: 50's gangster-like setting. Complete with cheesy dance number!
Conjoined Love: Conjoined twins (one male, one female). The female twin asks a guy on a date. The twins get a surprise about the date's "preferences".
Bomb Pops: Really, just guess. But, really, children with explosives and mimes make good humor (no pun intended, seriously).
Rewind: Didn't like this one a whole lot. It's like, what happened in some place, but backward. I think.
Barbie Girl: Girl knocks over evil witch mime. Then comes a curse involving a life size Barbie doll. Very nice ending.

A Progressive Mime (Pt. 1): All the mimes stand out and stare at the audience. Two of them collapse. Blackout.

Muffins: Eight muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "It's quite hot in here, chap," and the other says, "Wow! A talking muffin!"
Fancy Life: Serious skit involving a poor family, and I think maybe a prostitute. Really.
Fallopian Warrior: Really...just, no. I'm not going to describe this one. But it was pretty good.

"I Wish It Would Stop" Quickies: Four short skits involving "I wish it would stop" scenarios. The title well explains my feelings.

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: "World's Worst" like situation with a date and a careless guy, another bad situation with a ditzy girl, and then the "Earth" situation...which I'm not going to get into detail about.
Joke's On You: They spoke in this one. Went something like this:

Guy: Well, I'm dumping you!
Girl: Oh yeah? I cheated on you! Twice!
(Audience laughs and gasps. Someone yells out "You go girl!")
Guy: Well, you've got legs harrier than mine!
(The audience laughs harder. No one yells out "You go girl!")
Girl: Oh yeah? Well...
(Thanks to a properly timed blackout, it appears as if the girl is yanking off a mask. After the blackout, one of the male mimes appear.)
Girl?: ...I'm a man!

A Progressive Mime (Pt. 2): More mimes fall down. The audience applauds very loudly.

Pinky Seizures: For some reason, while the audience read out loud the title from an easel for this one, everyone said "Brain Freeze", this being the title of the next skit. Mass confusion in the audience. Anyway, the skit. The title explains it all.
Brain Freeze: "It'd be great if the audience yelled out 'Pinky Seizures' for this one," I said to Yes Maybe, who sat next to me. Short skit, girl somehow freezes time and messes with two of the bystanders.
Drowned Memory: A serious one. I'm not totally sure what happened, but I think a little kid drowned, and the sister character killed herself thinking about it.
The Giving Tree: Not sure what this one was about. But the audience loved it.

Mimeories: These were skits previously written and done by the mimes.
1. Worst Occupation for Narcolpetics Quickies: Short skits about bad occupations for narcoleptics. I'd seen it before, not as good as the first time.
2. All By Myself: The trials and tribulations of a little girl and her fish. Still great.

At this point, on the easel where the titles were usually placed, the person in charge of the titles, appeared to be "making out" (seriously) with the easel. Someone in the audience yelled out his name. He left. A strange skit involving chess followed. Kind of out of place.

Ventrilofartist: Any skit with the word "fart" in the title has to be funny. This was no exception.

A Progressive Mime (Part 3): All mimes but one fall down. Hint: the reason they were all falling? Not only does it describe a mime ninja, but also something appearing in the above skit.

Harold!: I could easily describe this, but I'd rather not. One of those "you'd have to be there" skits.
Accidentally Psychic: This one had a great method of acting out psychic "flash-forwards" appearing in the psychic's head.
P.S.A: When the audience read this one out loud, instead of reading it as three individual letters, I read it as one word ("Pshaa!"). This was a plug for people to join mimes. The following signs were shown: "This is your mime. This is your mime on drugs. Don't do drugs! Do mimes!"
The audience loved this.

Storybook: These skits are always good. The mimes all act out a story they make up. It always involves speaking. It's usually based on inside jokes and trends around the school. This year's theme was based on the movie Napoleon Dynamite. Throughout the skit, an insane Parent Council-ish person proceeded to attack the characters onstage whenever they did things not allowed in school (such as using cell phones). She wore a tutu.
At the end, the moral of the Storybook was presented.
"The moral of the story is..." said the narrator. The lights blacked out.

Onstage, at this point, all of the mimes held up their illuminated cell phones. The audience cheered so loudly that a deaf man's ears could start ringing.
Then, one by one, audience members started taking out their cell phones, to hold them up in the air. A sea of cell phones could have probably been seen from the stage.
This was all very surreal. Very memorable, too.

Then there was the closing. Nothing too special.

Overall, as Yes Maybe put it, "It was kind of weak." It probably wasn't the best mime show I'd ever seen (that I've not been involved in, those shows are either slightly above or below this one), but it was worth the ticket price...which was donation.

Remember those scented markers they used to give you in kindergarden? You know, the things with the square tips that looked like markers you'd use on a dry erase board? Think they still sell those? If they do, they probably have to put a warning on them. Something like "Warning: These markers are sniffable and non-toxic, but other markers may or may not be. The Scented Marker Company is not responsible for any addiction to marker sniffing."

Yeah. The messed-up kids in kindergarden ate paste.
But the really messed-up kids sniffed markers.

Just think about that. Walking into a classroom of little kids, all sniffing markers. Welcome to my kindergarden class.

Note to self: The word "pupitre" is a the Spanish word for desk.

Note to self: Don't snicker when the teacher says this word.

johnnydepp669: good night well yea good night off to do hoework
tomamama29: snicker
johnnydepp669: crud
johnnydepp669: homework*
johnnydepp669: arg good day to you suh
tomamama29: good day

And now, the Wikipedia's comprehensive list of people who have died with tortoises on their heads.

I was at the video store with my mom. She said, "Hey, want to get Psycho?" I said, "No thanks, I've already managed."

How Birds Hurt The World:
Inspired by a discussion in a classroom

Birds chirp in the morning. Sometimes that wakes people up earlier than they need to. This causes the person's rest of the day to be less productive because of their tiredness. Less productivity leads to less work getting done, and thereby hurting the economy.

Therefore:
birds hurt the economy.

So I'm at my locker. The kid at the locker next to me is there, too.
On the ground, I see a pack of gum. It's Orbit gum. The pack is only missing one piece. It's obviously been opened, but none of the pieces have been apparently damaged or poisoned.

"Hey," I say to him. "Is that your pack of gum down there?"
He looks at it. "Nope," he says. "Hey, it's Orbit," he says.

We both stare at the gum. Lockers around us are being slammed shut and people are exchanging "see you laters". Meanwhile, here are two people who barely know each other staring at a pack of gum with 11 of its 12 pieces still intact. For some reason, no one found this the least bit odd.

Here's the dillemna: it looks perfectly good. It's gum. It's Orbit, too. Orbit means quality. But it's lying on the ground. And the pack is open.

So I do what any normal self-respecting human being would do. I take a piece, and offer the person in the locker next to me some, also.

If you see a pack of gum with 9 of its 12 pieces lying around somewhere in the school, don't worry. It's safe.